As I was growing up my step-father used to watch a lot of porn and I was very scared of it because I felt it was bad. My heart would race and I would want him to stop waching it. He usually tried to keep it away from me but he was not very careful. I beca

Since You Asked
Pornongraphy and sexual molestation
 
Q As I was growing up my step-father used to watch a lot of porn and I was very scared of it because I felt it was bad. My heart would race and I would want him to stop waching it. He usually tried to keep it away from me but he was not very careful. I became curious and somewhat obssesed with it. He sexually harrased me when I was like 13 years old. I still feel scared of sex but somehow I feel a great relief when I do see it. I get excited but feel very guilty. I WANT IT TO STOP!! I have now had 3 sexual partners and I can honestly say that I did not start having sex for the pleasure but for the comfort of knowing that someone loved me. Now I have a boyfriend who is a great person but I am greatly tempted to keep on having sex with him. I don't want to anymore!! I feel addicted and relaxed from stress when I do it, but I am really trying to stop!! I stop for like 6 months then I fall again. I really love God so much and I know he loves me but somehow I can't seem to get past this. I don't want to leave my BF because he really is awsome but also has problems with abstaining like me. I really feel turned off by him when this happens because I feel he does not value my morals and values, but then again perhaps I don't either because I do the same thing. He is a Catholic, but he is not very faithful. Can someone help me find a way to solve this problem? I don't want to have sex anymore, and I want to keep my boyfriend.
- Me
 
A I commend you for recognizing that there is a problem here.  That is the first step to overcoming it.  You have been terribly affected by the actions of your stepfather.  As a result of what you experienced from him you have a very distorted understanding of God's gift of sex.  That's what pornography does to us and that's one of the big reasons it is considered to be sinful.  The good news is that you realize this and are trying to fight against it.  However, it is clearly too much for you to overcome by yourself.  You need to seek help from a counselor who can help you work through this and help you form a healthy understanding of sex.  I strongly urge you to contact the Catholic Charities office in your diocese.  You can find the number by googling 'Catholic Charities' and the name of your diocese.  They can help you locate a good counselor. And I will offer special prayers for you.
- Fr Bob